Praying Through: Psalm 103 Forgiving

The Psalm

Psalm 103 (CSB)
¹ My soul, bless the LORD, and all that is within me, bless his holy name.

² My soul, bless the LORD, and do not forget all his benefits.

³ He forgives all your iniquity; he heals all your diseases.

⁴ He redeems your life from the Pit; he crowns you with faithful love and compassion.

⁵ He satisfies you with good things; your youth is renewed like the eagle.

⁶ The LORD executes acts of righteousness and justice for all the oppressed.

⁷ He revealed his ways to Moses, his deeds to the people of Israel.

⁸ The LORD is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in faithful love.

⁹ He will not always accuse us or be angry forever.

¹⁰ He has not dealt with us as our sins deserve or repaid us according to our iniquities.

¹¹ For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his faithful love toward those who fear him.

¹² As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us.

¹³ As a father has compassion on his children, so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him.

¹⁴ For he knows what we are made of, remembering that we are dust.

¹⁵ As for man, his days are like grass— he blooms like a flower of the field;

¹⁶ when the wind passes over it, it vanishes, and its place is no longer known.

¹⁷ But from eternity to eternity the LORD’s faithful love is toward those who fear him, and his righteousness toward the grandchildren

¹⁸ of those who keep his covenant, who remember to observe his precepts.

¹⁹ The LORD has established his throne in heaven, and his kingdom rules over all.

²⁰ Bless the LORD, all his angels of great strength, who do his word, obedient to his command.

²¹ Bless the LORD, all his armies, his servants who do his will.

²² Bless the LORD, all his works in all the places where he rules. My soul, bless the LORD!

The Prayer.

So what then can I say?
So what then can I do?
All I can do is simply thank you.

So from the bottom of my heart,
I thank you for giving me strength.

Thank you my Father God.
Thank you my Christ Jesus.
Thank you my Holy Spirit.

You judged me faithful.
You appointed to Your service.
Despite my dishonoring and blaspheming,
Your holy name,
despite my persecution and hatred
those who love you,
despite my perverted and violent opposition
towards you,

Still
I only received mercy
because I was lost
I was lame
I was deaf
I was blind
I was stupid
I was ignorant
I was evil
I was dead
and I was not looking and could not look for you whatsoever.

But Your beautiful, sweet and tender
love, mercy and grace
overflowed for me
overwhelmingly
undeservedly
ill-deservingly
with your unbroken faithfulness
and your relentless love
that can only be by You,
for You,
through You,
my Christ Jesus my Lord my Savior.

These words
out of my heart
are true
and with all of my hope and dreams
and desires and wishes
that these words would be sweet to your ears.

I know
that you came in this world
to rescue your people
to pull them out of despair
to give your people life
to save them from their sins
to bring them to you
evil sinners
at war with you
All of us
And I lead this group.
I am the foremost
I am their chief
I am their victor
I am their champion of those who would face Your terrifying wrath!

Yet,
in this reason
that Your grace abounds all the more
that Your mercy renews every morning
that Your love never ceases
that You
my Lord and Savior
Jesus Christ
might display

Your perfection, beauty, tenderness, quickness,
Your love, mercy, grace, patience
for all of those who You call Yours
and those would believe upon Your holy name for life forever.

This is why I will sing
to my God of the everlasting to the everlasting
my Triune
my Father
my Son
my Holy Spirit
my immortal
my invisible
my Only One
my Creator
my Sustainer
my Merciful
my Peace
my Grace
my Faith
my Messiah
my Immanuel, God with Us
my Blessed
my Living Word
my Christ
my Son of God
my Fellow Heir
my Second Adam
my Kinsman Redeemer
my Beginning
my Means
my End
my Majesty
my Truth
my Way
my Life
my Wisdom
my Teacher
my Rescuer
my Promise
my Calling
my Fulfillment
my Abundance
my Host
my Governor
my High Priest
my Prophet
my Apostle
my Sufferer
my Messiah
my Servant
my Son of Man
my Glorified
my Power
my Gospel
my Guide
my Elector
my All-Sufficient
my Lion of Judah
my Worthy Lamb who was slain
my King of all kings
my Lord of all lords
my Commander
my Ruler above all
my Name above all Names
my Wonderful Counselor
my Mighty God
my Everlasting Father
my Prince of Peace

my Holiness
my Righteousness
my Justice
my Faithfulness
my Mercy
my Grace
my Friend
my Confidence
my Pastor
my Elder
my Brother
my Assurance
my Redeemer
my Rock
my Salvation
my All in all
my Exalted
my Glorious
my Beloved
my Joy
my Song
my Love

my Jesus Christ, King, Lord, Savior and Messiah
my Father, my Father, my Abba, my heart
my Holy Spirit, my comfort, my peace, my gift, my breath.

So I will be so very careful to
worship,
sing,
praise,
glorify,
exalt,
proclaim,
honor,
dedicate,
and love
You alone.

I pray this desperately and joyfully,
in the beautiful,
sweet,
precious,
most tender,
loveliest,
most worthy,
dearest name of
Your Son.

His name is
the Lord Jesus Christ.

And with every bit of my soul
body
strength
mind
heart.

I will praise and bless your holy name
forever.

I cannot believe that you would be so mindful of me.

You have seen me in the fallen state
and you took pity on me.

You know that I could not save myself and I was good as dead.

I was once foolish and led astray
enslaved by my sin and my desires.

But you sent your Son
to come rescue me
to save me from death
to capture me
and make me yours.

You are the lover of my soul
and the king of my heart.

You are my portion and my rock
forever.

I make no claim to myself
I am yours.

Be glorified today.

My sins have been massive
there is none that have out-sinned me
for anger, I took joy in rage
for lust, I have consumed all perversion
for lying, every word out of my mouth was deceit.

But worst of all
I pretend to be nice and kind
but inside, I was the opposite
and thought I had everyone fooled
because if people knew the real person
the one in my mind and heart
they would not like me
and they would despise me
and have nothing to do with me.

And I have lost friends
and loved ones
because of who I really was.

But you knew me
you saw straight through me
and in my cold heart
was the root of evil
that continuously thought evil thoughts
always.

But you love me
and you excavated my old heart
and gave me yours
sealed me with your Spirit
renewed my mind
opened my eyes
and my ears
and unmute my tongue.

And the infection
the cancer
the disease
that was eating my soul? Your purged it
cleansed me
and made me a completely new person.

For all of my
troubling sin
wicked perversion
grotesque behavior
slothfulness
anger
I should have perish
I should be under the wrath of your Son
I should have been counted with the worthless.

I should have
because everything about me
was at war with you.

But you have been my God
before I was even a thought in my mother's womb
you have molded time and space
and your Son entered into creation
to save a wretched outcast like me.

You have delivered me from sin
and you have removed my transgressions
but you have not gone back in time
and removed the hurt I have caused
and the hurt and pain that I have endured.

You alone
have made it worthwhile
the evil I have felt and dealt
you have turned it into good
because your Son died on the cross
to reconcile creation to himself
for good.

I praise you
because you alone
have loved me.

You have made me a blessed man
I am wealthy than the wealthiest combined
I am stronger than a thousand strongmen
I am wiser than Solomon.

Because I have you
you are my King Jesus
you are my everything
everything in this life
if I have a little or a lot
I have it all
because you are my portion and my lot.

If I am weak or I am strong
I have it all
because you are the Almighty.

If I am insane or brilliant
I have all wisdom
because you give without hesitation.

In you, my Christ
my Father has given me so much
that heaven and earth
could give me no more.

No matter what sin
and evil is against me
you are always
my Lord and my God
forever.

There is no wickedness left
on this world
by mankind
that can rail against me
because I have you alone
forever.

But it is not the trespasses of the world
that will cause me to fall away
it is my own depravity
that will cause me to wander.

But you have given me
your Son's righteousness
and now
you are my hope and stay. I have you
because
you have me
forever.

Be exalted, O Lord
in my life
today.

There was a time
when I thought I knew of your word
because I glanced through the pages
or I took a couple weeks of intently reading
and then crown myself
an expert on what you have said.

But I was foolish
and always disobedient
to what you have told me to do.

But if my eyes were opened
and my ears were unstopped
and my heart was soft
and my mind was renewed
and my soul alive
and your Spirit was in me.

Then I would have heard one word
from your lips
and been transformed
and been made whole
and would have believed.

And I would have known
your sweetest mercies
your whelming grace
your unending love
and your kindness
and forgiveness
for my wrongdoings.

But now I know
and you are
and I am yours
and you are mine
forever.

I bear witness
with my entire life
with my heart
that you are this kind
and this merciful
and this gracious
and this loving to a wretch like me.

Look at my sins! they are too numerous to count
they are too vile to mention
they are too great to be forgiven
they are cause for your great wrath.

I was the chief of sinners
and done more evil in your sight
than anybody could imagine.

But you came to me
you shown mercy to me
and you lifted me up
out of death
and into life
and into your presence
and into your family
and into your kingdom
and into your glory
forever.

You have always been kind
and compassionate
and merciful
and good to me.

I praise you
you are my God.

I have spent my entire life
warring against you
fighting you
sinning against you
ignoring you
pretending to be good
when I was corrupted
to the core.

With all of my life
I have sinned against you
lied to my fellow man
lusted after women
and anger towards children.

I was an walking abomination
and a living idol maker
and a friend to Satan
and a servant to the world
and a slave to my own desires.

I was a blasphemer
persecutor
arrogant
violent man
towards you.

I was foolish
disobedient
deceived
enslaved by various passions and pleasures
living in malice and envy
hateful
detesting every one else.

I was dead in my trespasses and sins
and walked according to the ways of this world
and was ruled by the ruler of the power of the air
my spirit working in the disobedience
lived with my own fleshly desires
carrying out the inclinations of my flesh and thoughts
and by born nature
rightfully
a child of wrath.

I have made it my livelihood
to resist your grace.

But what was your response?

You did not destroy me
you did not cast me to hell
you did not leave me to my own corruption.

Instead
you were kind to me
you sent your Son
my Savior
my Redeemer
because you love me
you saved me the opposite of everything I have ever done
and you were merciful to me
you washed me clean
you made me new
you gave me your Spirit
you justified me
you gave me grace
you made me a co-heir
you gave me hope
you gave me eternal life.

Instead
you strengthen me
you consider me faithful
you appoint me to the ministry
you give me mercy
you give me more grace
you give me more faith
you give me more love
you give me more hope
you saved me
a sinner
the worst of them
and you give me more mercy
so that in me
as the worst of them
you might demonstrate your extraordinary patience
as an example to those who would believe in you
for eternal life.

Instead
you were rich in mercy to me
you were great in love to me
you made me alive with Christ
even though I was dead in sin
you saved me by grace
you raised me up with Christ
you seated me with Christ in the heavens
so that in the coming ages
you might display the immeasurable riches of your grace
through your kindness to me in Christ Jesus
for you gave me salvation
for you gave me grace
for you gave me faith
you made me your poem
your masterpiece
your workmanship.

Instead
you shown me the path of life
you gave me the fullness of joy
you gave me pleasures forevermore.

Because you have given
your only begotten Son
Jesus Christ
my Lord
Son of God
who is God.

This is why
I will proclaim
I will sing
I will praise
I will boast
you are the King of ages
you are immortal
you are invisible
you are the only God
you are worthy of honor
you are worthy of glory
you are worthy of praise
you are worthy of adoration
you are worthy of worship
forever and ever.

My sins
deserve the worst of your wrath
the deepest hells
the worst consequences.

And I had suffered through my own sins
here on my earth.

In your great holiness
you could have left me to rot
you could have hardened my heart
fashioned me into a vessel of wrath
prepared me for destruction
and left me to my own devices
and died
and judged me forever
and hated me forever.

I was the worst sinner
the chief of treason.

In no ways
did I do one thing
to get you to notice me
to get you to love me
and care for me
to give me grace
to grant me mercy.

But
because you are rich in mercy
you lavish me with grace upon grace
and you love me
you saw my condition
and you knew I was going to die
That is why
you sent your Son
to snatch from the pit of hell
and sit me at your dinner table
forever and ever.

Who is like, Lord? And who can compare to you? You alone are worthy.

You are high
far above the earth
you alone are exalted
far above
all of my idols.

But infinite distance
that you are from me
because of my sin
and wickedness
and trespasses
and iniquities
and the thoughts
that are in my mind
and the pull
in my heart
continually
to pull away from you
and do evil consistently.

But that infinite measurement
is the exact amount
of your faithful love
towards me.

How do I know? You sent your Son
and he traveled the distance
and he bridges the gap
so that I will be saved by you
adopted by you
loved by you
and be with you
forever.

My Lord
you are high
above all the earth
you are exalted
far above
all of my gods.

And I will worship you
I will exalt you
I will love you.

And with everything
within me
I will praise
your glorious name
forever
and ever.

My mind and heart and soul are continually filled and constantly abounding in sin--every source of my being is filled with wickedness towards you.

I see that Christ, in his divinity and humanity, is perfect towards you.

But I know you dwell in me and yet, my flesh still wages war against you.

But look at what you have told me:

I have infinitely removed your transgressions from you.

All of this crap in me? You have removed every bit of my crap eternally from me.

I know this because your Son died and bleed for me.

I will always praise your glorious name!

I have one thing to say.

I see my love and my affections
swell for you
and all I want more than anything
is to see your face
and be with you.

This
that you have done in me
could only be you
thank you
my God.

For all of my sins
and my wickedness
and my evil
my pride
my hubris
my arrogance
my lust
my selfishness
my self-centeredness
my anger
my wrath
my hatred
my bitterness
my resentment
my jealousy
my envy
my greed
my gluttony
my sloth
my laziness
my apathy
my indifference
my lack of love
my lack of compassion
my lack of mercy
my lack of grace
my lack of forgiveness
my lack of kindness
my lack of gentleness
my lack of self-control
my lack of faith
my lack of hope
my lack of joy
my lack of peace
my lack of patience
my lack of goodness.

My ultimate failings.

You know this about me
and yet you love me
and you sent your Son
to live and die for me
so that I might die and live with you
forever.

In my life
be glorified
today.

I am not here for long at all.

And I wish I had loved you all of my life.

But I know I will love you for the rest of my life.

Come get me soon.

I love you.

Once invisible now revealed
from faith to faith.

And when you appeared
you saved me.

You plucked me out of time and death
And entered me into your precious joy.

Forever and ever.

I have never kept your covenant
I have never observed your precepts
I have tried and failed
I struggle and continue to fail
I have fallen all the way short of your glory.

But this covenant you have made
you have made with not with me
but for me
and you made this promise
with the only one who could keep it
your only begotten Son
Jesus Christ
Son of God who is God
forever past and forever future.

You keep us
because he alone has fulfilled the covenant
he alone has kept the precepts
and I am in him
and he is in me
forever.

Blessed be your holy name forever and ever.

For all of my days
I will bless your name
Lord God my Father
from everlasting to everlasting.

Yours alone
is the greatness
and the power
and the glory
and the victory
and the majesty
for everything that exists
in the heaven
in the earth
and under the earth
is yours.

Yours is the kingdom
and you are exalted
far above
all other gods.

Whatever provision
and riches
and honor
and glory
that I am might hold
has come completely
and totally
from you alone.

Any ounce of power
and strength
and might
and grace
that I think I have
is from your hand
you alone make great
and give strength to all.

Because you are God alone
I thank you
and I praise your
glorious name
forever.

Who am I
and what are these people
who think we can give something to you
when you do not need anything
and you are not served by our hands and strength.

For everything
comes from you alone
and we are only giving
what you have given us.

We pilgrims
and aliens
sojourning
and wandering
through this earth
just like all of our forefathers before us
Our days here
are like a shadow
and we are desperately
without hope.

I know you
you have seen me
from eternity past
and found me wanting
and dead
and running from you
and you are only pleased
with what is right
so you have sent your Son
to live so I could die
and to die so that I can live
and to live again so I can be with you
and to ascend so I can be in his charge
for all of my days
with you.

Lord God
of Abraham, Isaac, and Israel,
my fathers,
make your home in me
and your Spirit to dwell in me
because Christ lives in me
and bring me
all the way home.

For yours alone
is the kingdom
and the power
and the glory
forever and ever.

Amen