Psalm 34 (CSB)
4 I sought the LORD, and he answered me and rescued me from all my fears.
For all of my life I have pretended to be in fear of nothing
And certainly not you
But I was crippled by fears of rejection betrayal abandonment and not being loved
I did whatever I could to harden my heart so I wouldn’t have to feel.
But I was sad alone confused angry and bitter. I was so lonely. And my life was worth nothing.
And remember when I tried to be the good guy? Outside I was nice and honorable. But on the inside? Full of wickedness and sin. Heart was filled with perversion.
I am afraid but I know this to be true: a million times more wicked than my dad.
Oh Lord. My heart is bent toward lust and sin. Save me Lord. Do what you must. I cannot cannot cannot go back to hell I refuse to. I will not.
You must do what you need to do to ensure that I don’t go back there.
Save me Lord. Do what you will to keep me from there and to you and in you and by you forever.