Psalm 49 (CSB)
For the choir director. A psalm of the sons of Korah.
1 Hear this, all you peoples; listen, all who inhabit the world,
2 both low and high, rich and poor together.
3 My mouth speaks wisdom; my heart’s meditation brings understanding.
4 I turn my ear to a proverb; I explain my riddle with a lyre.
5 Why should I fear in times of trouble? The iniquity of my foes surrounds me.
6 They trust in their wealth and boast of their abundant riches.
7 Yet these cannot redeem a person or pay his ransom to God—
8 since the price of redeeming him is too costly, one should forever stop trying—
9 so that he may live forever and not see the Pit.
10 For one can see that the wise die; the foolish and stupid also pass away. Then they leave their wealth to others.
11 Their graves are their permanent homes, their dwellings from generation to generation, though they have named estates after themselves.
12 But despite his assets, mankind will not last; he is like the animals that perish.
13 This is the way of those who are arrogant, and of their followers, who approve of their words. Selah
14 Like sheep they are headed for Sheol; Death will shepherd them. The upright will rule over them in the morning, and their form will waste away in Sheol, far from their lofty abode.
15 But God will redeem me from the power of Sheol, for he will take me. Selah
16 Do not be afraid when a person gets rich, when the wealth of his house increases.
17 For when he dies, he will take nothing at all; his wealth will not follow him down.
18 Though he blesses himself during his lifetime— and you are acclaimed when you do well for yourself—
19 he will go to the generation of his ancestors; they will never see the light.
20 Mankind, with his assets but without understanding, is like the animals that perish.
I am so ashamed because I have tried so hard to take the things of this world with me to the end and foolishly beyond the end. I pat myself on the back and congratulate myself for not chasing after wealth power or anything else and called myself holy and worthy to be in your presence. But the one thing I sought for all of my days was not you never you but to fulfill the lusts I had within my heart. The more sex the more porn the more perversion the more idolatry the more immorality I could grab a hold of the better. And exactly like the world I dare justify it and ignored it and destroyed everything around me to obtain it. But you, O Lord like how you saw Noah in the midst of evil how you saw John in the midst of his mother's womb how you saw Paul in the midst of his blasphemy you saw me. I was not lovely to look at my heart was grotesque and wicked and hated others especially women. But you set your eyes upon me you appear you called upon me called me to life and I was dead in my trespasses but dead men have no choice but to be risen to life when they are awaken by the Living God. How many times have I tried to wander back to death since then. But how many more times have you come and get me. Keep my feet planted O Lord break my heart seal my soul and don't release me until I see you face to face. Amen