Praying Through: Psalm 34:4

For all of my life
  I have pretended to be in fear of nothing

And certainly not you

But I was crippled
  by fears of
  rejection
  betrayal
  abandonment
  and not being loved

I did whatever
  I could to harden my heart
  so I wouldn’t have to feel.


But I was sad
  alone
  confused
  angry
  and bitter.
  I was so lonely.
  And my life was worth nothing.

And remember when I tried to be the good guy?
Outside I was nice and honorable.
  But on the inside?
  Full of wickedness and sin.
  Heart was filled with perversion.

I am afraid
  but I know this to be true:
  a million times more wicked
  than my dad.

Oh Lord.
 My heart is bent toward lust and sin.
 Save me Lord.
 Do what you must.
 I cannot cannot cannot go back to hell I refuse to.
 I will not.

You must do what you need to do to ensure that I don’t go back there.

Save me Lord.
 Do what you will to keep me from there
 and to you and in you and by you forever.

Amen.