Bittersweet Like Chocolates

There comes a time and place when your kids won’t need you anymore. I am not talking about when they hit 18 years old and out the door one last time. I am talking about little milestones along the way.

Take for instance, Elijah.

We call him Bubs because he is.
We call him Bubs because he is.

This is our Bubs aka Bubba aka Bubba Lub aka Too Bubs aka Bubbiest. He does everything full throttle with the nitro line wide open. Fast as freak. Articulate as hell. Lover of Dinosaurs, Mama, Siblings, and especially Baby Sister Ivy.

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As soon as he was weaned off Mama’s milk, I have had the sweet pleasure of putting him to bed every single night for the last two years.

That was two years of holding him in my arms. Two years of praying over him and blessing him. Two years of trying to memorize Bible verses while he snored away.

Two years of being my constant companion during my most intimate, personal, and quiet times with God.

Two years in this same old green rocker.

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Last weekend, that all changed. We rearranged rooms and roommates. Now he is paired up with his big sister who goes to bed around the same time he does.

He still has a friend to help him sleep (along with some not-so-sweet almond milk.)

But he doesn’t need me anymore to help get him there.

In the blink of an eye, I no longer have to hold him. No longer sitting with him while he slowly goes to sleep. No longer having to take 1-2 hours a night watching him sleep.

“Bubba, lay down and go to sleep. Gracie is here and I will be right outside if you need me. I love you. Good night.”

And just like that, he goes to sleep.

Gosh, I cannot believe it.

Perhaps he was already ready to go to sleep on his own. I am thinking that I wasn’t ready to let him go so quickly.

I am so stinkin’ proud of him but I am also so sad and I am going to miss holding him during nightfall.

So I pray over him:

May the Lord bless you and keep you, Bubba. May the Lord make his face to shine upon you and be gracious to you; May the LORD lift up his countenance upon you and give you peace. 1

Always, Bubba. I love you.

Papa.

Notes:

  1. Numbers 6:25-26

Going All In

I was sitting here thinking the other day how amazing you are. That you’ve been a mother for 14 years. In that, you have spent nearly all of your energy and might trying to be the best mom you could be. You’ve spent almost that long as a wife and when you weren’t, you still tried be healed, be made whole and devoted your energy so that you can become the best wife ever.

IMG_3081I just wanted to tell you that you have accomplished what you set out to do. The fruit is in your incredible kids. They are the best bunch of kids I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. And by God’s amazing grace and your sweet love, they are my kids too. (Like I’ve done nothing and all of sudden, I get to be in their lives and they are a part of mine. Because of you, I’ve definitely won the parent lottery.)

And if you were trying to be the best wife, you’ve succeeded. The way you have loved me is way beyond anything I could have imagined. When I am trying to learn how to love, you actually live it. And it’s the strength of this marriage is the fruit of your love. We are strong because of Christ in you. It is evident you are a woman after God’s own heart.

There is no way we could be where we are without you. You are my Captain Amazing because you are amazing. Thank you for loving me and us and we. Thank you for saying yes. Thank you for your life.

You have a beautiful legacy.

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Thank you for letting me be a part of it.

I love you.

– J

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